Chicken Fried Steak was a bad choice.....

Tonight I was so stoked about eating me some chicken fried steak after a night of drinking. And yet it left me for that uncomfortable dense feeling. I feel gross, full, and heavy.

On top of that uncomfortable feeling, is that stupid feeling that I want to get rid of. A friend said he met my ex's new girlfriend. Yes I know, everyone is meeting her. It was something I knew was going to happen, but holy shit it still bothers me. How come I couldn't just have had a boyfriend who didn't have the same fucking friends. I guess its natural to wonder, will they like her? will they welcome her? THESE WERE MY GOSH DARN FRIENDS first! I never want bad things to happen to people but shit sometimes I have to admit I do. I can't be selfish but goddamn man, I am just tired of being too nice.

Everything is racing out of me.

I hate that the last guy I was interested in, has a fucking girlfriend and won't contact me anymore (should be the best thing ever)
I hate that my ex is fucking here with his girlfriend (I feel as though he broke my heart and now he is invading my space with his new life, this was my fucking life)
I hate that the guy that i technically rebounded and transfered my feelings for comes to me for girl problems. I can predict everything about his relationships.
I hate that the guy who wanted to take me out on a date canceled after he saw my facebook and has not text me back for days.
I hate that i can't find a fucking guy. Should i just give up already?? FUCCCCK
am I not good enough or something????
or is it they aren't good enough for me????
Just want to find the answers

I almost got so bothered by my ex's girlfriend meeting everyone that I want to move way from them so I can start over. But I have to deal with it. These friends of mine are my family. I gotta deal with it. There are just some fucking days I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. why do some things gotta be so fucking hard?????????

The chicken fried steak and the rest of the bullshit leaves me with this heavy dense full feeling.

I can't wait to take a shit and dump the chicken fried stead and the bull shit into the toilet.

Lord, I need help.

Sara Bareilles - Gravity

This song means so much to me. I can say that it means two different things to me about two dffierent people. The first meaning is very literal and the words can describe some of my relationship with the one I call my best friend. I try to push him away and I can never seem to push him away completely. He belongs to someone else, well which is most of the time, but he still seems to wants me to want him. I become happy when he wants to hug me or in need for my presence. I just wish my feelings for him can just go away. He pulls me in like a drug. Im in desperate need for rehab.

As for the second meaning is for the EX, the one who belonged to me for so many years now belongs to someone else. The reason this song is also dedicated to him is because even though its been a couple years and I know he has a girlfriend, it still hurts and sometimes it feels as though I am not free from him completely. His presence pulls me in and keeps me wondering, thinking, and occasionally missing. I dont cry everyday, I don't disregard his happiness. He is a good guy. He deserves it. But I have realized that we can't ever be close ever again. We can't be friends. Life has been somewhat harder because we are both close to the same people. The Ex is here in town and he brought his new love here to meet our friends we once shared. I thought I had finished crying about him. Apparently not.

I need to just let go of both somehow,someway, or with someone. There has been too many signs to let me know that its time.