oh man,
One minute you think you got it all put back together, you are getting through the process, and no more tears could possibly shed and are moving on right? Then you realize how one thing could show how fragile you are emotionally.. but this time it's just a matter how fast you bounce back. I have been waiting for the day to come when I found out my ex was seeing somebody else. I mean i already had an initial shock of seeing him with another girl, but of course when you are still holding on to that love you had for someone or not over him, you realize it hurts no matter when or with who. I could be just reading into it too much but the shakes and tears came out from just reading "so & so is not listed as single", it didn't say "in a relationship." or anything like that, but i don't know for sure. I am just preparing myself for the worse. After a good cry and some great listeners at work and through telephoning best friends, i felt much better. There's still a calm sadness that i feel but at least i know i can get through this. I am more upset that i still cry over him. Its better he does not live here. Its better for my heart mind & soul. I am trying my best to move on.. i think im doing okay. I just wish that this pain will be over and i could get over him with a snap of my fingers. I wanted to be with someone else before he even had a chance to be with someone else. Like i said I can't assume anything i dont know, i simply just need to prepare me & my emotions for the worse. I won't wallow in sorrow, its not worth it. Everyone says im special and a good person and i will find someone better and deserving of my love. that does make me feel better. hehe i like it when people say hes dumb, not to be mean. I understand that people do break up and sometimes weren't meant to be. But i feel dumb for thinking he was "the one", Somedays i still think he was supposed to be. I need to move on.. cherish the past & and be excited for the future. Well heres another crying episode to explain to the theRapist next week...
main thought: i will be fine
scary thought: that i will be alone.
sad thought: it will take more a little more time than i thought to be over him
ambitious thought: i will be hot sexy independent & will find someone spectacular
revenge thought: he will want me back when i am not available
thought for this month: think & act like a dude to "get mine"
happy thought: my family & friends. i love them
